My First Web Log - BlueStar Hottie

This morning has started very strange. I slept very well and then I got up with a feeling Manca was here. I felt how he’s lying next to me, I felt his arms, legs, his weight. This is, probably a wish to sleep again together with him. But, whenever I go there, in Nis, I can’t appreciate his hugs, kisses. I don’t know why but there is a part of an explanation in the preview post, point 4

When I am here at home, I feel safe. I can learn, wash the dishes…I can think about my enormous love, about what is Manca doing right now. Maybe THAT scares me despite I know what he’s doing. The thing which tantalizing me is his mind, his thoughts, his emotions about EVERYTHING. I know he loves me very, very, very much. I know he thinks of me,he calls me,sends me messages, calls me with the cutest names. I know all of that. I would like to control his mind. Ok, not to control in a way I say smth he does it, but to see what is happening inside. Maybe the problem wouldn’t be like that if he sent me smth nice like I am sending him (e-cards, some nice pics, something, something small but full with emotions)

Huh, what is happening with a rest of his thoughts, spare time? The answer is simple: he learns a lot…Oh, come on, no one learns so much and does anything but learning.He says he sometimes looses his whole day tiil he start learning. What is he doing? And I don’t suspect he goes around and gaze in other girls or smth like that.

He works on the internet….That’s it. And I am so green-eyed on this internet that I can’t describe it. There he finds a lot of interesting, attractive things. There he can find provocative things and I know he is so curious guy that that scares me.

This is stupid. What am I writing about? What’s the theme? Hm…here is the conclusion:

When I am in Nis smth which annoys me is the fact I can see, smell and imagine all that with the internet. It is smth like he is free then. Free with feelings, doings, everything. But I am not clear with smth: what annoys me if I know for our love and for all we passed through. This is a sick JEALOUS. I AM SICK.

Ok, now it’s time to stop despite I have a lot of things to say. Step by step and I will say everything which makes a pain in my soul. I leave this post to my lover to read it, think about it, and when I finish the whole story we can talk about this madness which harmed my heart like a stupid virus harmed my computer.

Love you baby….Don’t take it too personal. We are here to renounce anything bad in our relationship…In that way it will take eternity.

People often ask me where do I find all these ideas. I can say that’s not ideas, this is my real life, without dreams, imaginations. My everyday life.

Two hours ago I came back from Naisus (Nis). I was there with Mrs Negosava and Mr Miki, parents of my Mancica. And I can say for sure this trip was very good experience for me. What is this about?

Let’s start from the beginning. I am very emotional girlie, and that knows my very close friends including my boyie (nice new word ;))

I had a lil vacation,two weeks ago, if that can be called like that,and I was in Nis at my boyie’s place. There were some problems with my parents because of going there but finally everything was ok and I was there. Yeah, I went there with just one hope, with stack of dreams and expectations. Now I am asking myself what I was looking for, then. I got what I came for and that is love and presence of the boyie. But smth was going wrong, I felt that. Let’s expound the problem:

1. He had his lessons. He had no time for spearing and I was bothering him. I know he was really happy cause I came, but…

My expectations: there were no some special expectations. But I felt empty then. We did nothing except loving Everything was gray then. My feelings because of bad, gray weather, our organization or no-organization. So, this is one problem. We had no organization, we had no anything planned for that time spending together. If the weather had been great I might have felt better but it was snowy, windy, terrible. Every other day was like the previously one. Stupid, isn’t it? I have no idea how was that possible to happen to us, 2 young and smart people. Shits happen all the time.Let’s just sum the problem: three days spent in the same way. Continue Reading »

Today is Saturday, November, 11….Let’s memorize how this week was, and what has happened for this few days.
At first, I can say that this week was terrible for me. Ok, not at all, but….mostly. Why?
On Monday everything started. My father came back from his job very nervous and started to shout at me without any reason. We began fighting and that was very dramatic for me, so I started cryin’. Then, Tuesday was so. A lots of tears, I don’t know why, but there was some reason. I was angry, even furious, sad, I felt like everything’s going bad.
On Wednesday I was looking for boots. And imagine, there were no neither model nor size for me. I was really mad. And finally, Thursday. That was the worst day ever happened to me. Just because of my feelings. Ohhhh, I have no words. Just Jelena, the friend of mine, knew how I felt then. And, the most horrible thing was school. I died that day at school. It was so boring, my feelings was fucked, I was thinking about suicide. I concluded smth. very painful for me. I knew this before, but at that moment it would be better if someone killed me. I wished I had had never fallen in love, but then I realised what’s love: the most beautiful, gorgeous feeling on the Earth. Sometime love is followed by tears, misfortune, failure, but that make us, people, and lovers more stronger than ordinary people. At Friday everything passed. I just have no energy to think about those thoughts from Thursday. The whole morning I was thinking about arrival of my boyfriend. He came at 1 o’clock and that calmed me. I realised that he needs me while I am passing through this feelings. I just need his hug, his kisses and words full with love. He doesn’t know why I am so sad, but I can’t tell him, because I know my sadness will grow up then. The fact which killing me is actually this: I can’t change anything. Anything!!! Maybe God wanted so, ’cause I believe that smth. which is happening must have a good reason. I know I must learn to be strong, to accept things, and to be strong to live without unnecessary worries. Till when am I going to feel like hollowed, mad??? Maybe I am just growing, who would know???
I just know I must be in love with this precious life, with my boyfriend, and with mine. I must appreciate my friends Eli :), Slobodan and Filip.
Hey, what kind of people would be us if we have no friends. It would be hard.
So, my readers, love, and be loved!

Hello my blog readers , my virtual world…

Let me to introduce you with myself.
Well, I come from Serbia, and I live in a small town on the river of Nisava, Pirot.

I am cute lil blond girlie with blue eyes and liquid complex…(aristocratic, isn’t it :p ) My life is a lil bit weird, and I can say I am weird too.

What I can say more??? Hm, I am wild, excited, and dominate teenager who just wants to make her life wild as she is…