My First Web Log - BlueStar Hottie

I have just colored my hear, and it is wonderful. But, when is a girl nice and beautiful everything is good and nice on her. And this is not a swank  :p

Well, enough about me. In this post I wanted smth very different and that is a thank you note for the most brilliant boyfriend on the world. He is the person who really understands me, who can help me and who care of me. Thanx god sending me him.

I was that kind of person who was afraid of feelings. I was afraid to give someone my love, my heart and soul. I had lost the faith in people, in God, in goodness and in life. Then, I met the person who claimed he will change my opinion, my life and feelings. He didn’t betrayed me. And we were just friends. It was need a lot of time to realize that he is a person I can believe in. I have changed myself, maybe a part of me stayed the same, but it is a fact and maybe it is me, and maybe I should not change it whether it is a good or bad manner. Now I am a verily happy person and I realize that. Thanx God I lost nothing to see how hard is when you loose your idols, your dreams and lovely persons.

My the biggest love, my Manca, I just wanted to thank you because of your existence. I want to stay always with me, and I will try not to disappoint you. My love, I will keep our love from evil people who can just be jealous of us. Lately you could see on what I am prepared to hold you by me Maybe it hearted a lil but sorry – LOVE HURTS.

I can confession you smth – you realized your, let’s say, “mission” and it was, how I can remember to learn me some things about life, love and feelings. You will be always a part of my heart, soul and body. AND THAT IS A FACT.

LOVE YOU…

On Thursday I had a test from maths. And . Not how I expected but ok. I won’t about it in my diary. What is interesting here? While I was doing the calculations I was need a peace of paper. I wanted to send it to someone who would solve my maths problems. I have one small notebook, and I took paper from it. I was afraid because of the teacher. She could notice my try but fortunately she didn’t. And while I was sweating taking the paper a paper I found one page with prepositions – English.

In the 2^nd grade my teacher gave us to write some verbs with prepositions. And I came up with an idea to go out and call Manca to “help” me. This was an excuse for my parents. I really used all my moments to see him. We were sitting outside Jazz cafe. When we finished he got my notebook with prepositions and run away. It was late and I had to go home. But he was hiding somewhere. He was just kidding. We communicated by mobiles but he spoke in English and that’s annoyed me. After about half an hour he came to me, gave me it and started laughing. I was really angry. I took the book and came home. I think I was about to leave when I thought he won’t appear. But, like I said, he called me on mobile and told me to come back and he will show up.

That’s why I was furious. He swear then that he will never speak in English with me….HAHAHA,  Now I can only laugh at this. Of course, we speak English and I have no problem with it anymore.

This reminding took me 2 min. It is always better and nicer to think on him than on maths and problems. I think about my Love always, anywhere, anytime (ok, not to mention wc…;-) ) After maths smth really bad happened to me but I said I won’t write about school. It doesn’t deserve it.

I am here to speak about worth things : firstly – my boyfriend and my feelings about my friends, about happenings.

Ok, this is it.  Just one ordinary day described here.

Today I can write the saddest verses. Today I may die. My soul will always be with me in the heaven because no one wanted it.
Love didn’t ask me and didn’t expect any decisions. It (he) came to me sudden and surprised me. Till then I denied love.

Now, whenever I look the moon I see his face. Where are you my secret sigh? I listen to cold wind whispering your name. The air I breed smells like your skin. You are now everywhere but there.

I want to bury my past and get a new soul, all in white and so innocent. And I want to start again, to kiss again his honey mouth. I want to feel how in my soul exist a lot of stars.

And I know, no one loves me, no one want, no one cares. I have no passion, I lost my illusion.

I want to feel again the moment when I first heard verses by Rabindranath Tagore. I want to feel tremulous voice of the shamefaced person who had told me them.

I’m still sitting waiting for Friday - the saddest day.

In this post I just want to say:

PEOPLE, DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT LOVE. “LOVE IS IN THE AIR”.  EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE YOU GET A PEACE OF SOMEBODY’S LOVE.

My philosophy will stop here. Just my heart knows what I wanted to tell, and I am sure no one can understand me.

Last night I felt enormous love. I mean, I am in love but this is some kind of refreshed feeling.

Last weekend my feelings were broke because Manca negations reality, and that’s that we love each other and we can pass over any mistakes which can be sad, breakable. And we proved that we can pass over it. The beautiful moments spent in the nature with holding hands, with s miles and sweet words proves that.

This weekend, the 15^th and the 16^th passed amazing. Unfortunately, there were some embarassements but after all sun has shined and we were happy and content.

One of the emabarrassment is a situation with S &F. I betrayed my good, old friends because of Manca’s unthinking. I saw that he can’t choose the right moment for the right act.

He didn’t tell me about his coming to Pirot expecting to I show in front of his door and spend time with him watching film, kissing, hugging etc. Fuck it. Maybe I know his habits, but I can’t always think about his plans and what’s on his mind. And sincerly, I had planned to all of us: him, S&F, me and Radmila, the friend of mine from school, go out and spend evening in a different way. That’s situation was very, very hart-breaking for me and and I just can imagine how S&F felt then. I regret and cried and I made Manca (hopefully) to think about this. When I returned to his home I was calm. I can’t run away from my feelings, love. I can’t do anything against us. I will fight for revival of our love at least I had to go against the whole world.

The next day, Saturday had started nice by going to the Lake of Zavoj. My disapointment came after it. He prepared me a surprise. When we had arrived in front of his door I heard loud music. he opened the door and I realized that it’s a birthday party. It is his brother’s party. I didn’t want to come in but his mother made me do it. I came in without saying hello to others but I suppose no one had noticed me and I know no one cared. After lil arguing with Manca I came out so sweet and tearful. Out was so cold so I feel sick now. I caught a cold just because of him. Ok, I came home, he called me and asked me to come back. I am so sensitive and delicate person so I couldn’t say No. I was there till late but that evening was terrible and in my opinion, lost.

In this post I wanted to describe my upsurge of feelings and I did smth. else.

On Sunday he had gone to Nish and I miss him now. Maybe I am just impatient to be together with him. The winter holiday’s coming so I must wait one weekend more. I made a plan how he could come to Pirot - with Jana.

Ooohhh, My Love, you can’t imagine how I miss you. I need you every day, every moment. I am fed up with phones, internet. I want your eyes, face, hair, ears, sweet mouth. I want your body, your warmth. I want to feel your hands on me, to feel your smell. I just want you to be by my side and to love me.

The New Year’s events are coming. What I could wished but him? Let’s see : a million dollars? :)) j/k .

Well, some of my friends know what happened last weekend. I had one terrible fight with Manca. It has been the most depressive moment in my life and as a result I feel pain in my heart. Since then my heart has been beating very strongly. But now is all ok, so I will memorize my events that happened last Saturday.

We were walking in the nature, taking some pics and it was a really nice moment that day.

We had some more experiences, such as finding one very old cottage which has been started ruining…This make us like lil explorers.

And I am pretty tired now, so I am going to bed.