Today is 5th January…My winter break finishes the 22nd of January. I have a feeling time is passing and I do nothing.

This morning, hmmm morning….at 1 o’clock pm, when I woke up I felt strong intention to make a difference. I still do not know what I should do but I must cut this monotony. I cannot live like this anymore. Two years before all this about NY happenings was everything I was always wanted. This monotony, sleeping, watching stupid films etc. Now, Manca taught me not to lose my time. He always tells me to do some USEFUL THINGS. When I woke up I asked myself what I could DO that can be either useful and interesting. And I still have no answer. Ok, NY party is over, everything is over, now it is time to turn the page of my ordinary life. And I see no way, I do not know how, I am confused and furious. I do not know what to do with myself.

Then I took a telephone and phoned some of my friends. After all this silly phoning I decided to phone my friend who would know to tell me smth about how to lose my weight. Smth about gym, fitness etc. She recommended me not to go to gym but join fitness club. She said it should work and after a week or two I could see reduced kilos. Ok, I asked her about the price and how often I should go. She told me that it is 3 times a week and it costs 1000 dinars a month. Hm, that made me think. I cannot expect from my parents to pay me this. I mean, they spend money on me for everything. My sister does not ask for all that. I make telephone bills, I use internet, I buy new clothes, I go on English classes, and many other daily activities THAT COST. And if I tell them I want to go on aerobic they wouldn’t support me, and my father wouldn’t give me the money. And after all this thinking I see I am incapable to do anything in my life that would make me happy and content. Well, nothing :), I can just cry, feel sorry for this shitty world I live in and I know I won’t make any effort to improve my life. I am not like some my reach friends, I cannot get all I want and that is pretty much it.

I realize something: I won’t let Manca to fill my head with shits like I can smth, I must believe in me etc….ALL THIS JUST SHOWED ME I AM NOTHING FOR NOW ON THIS WORLD. WELL, WHO KNOWS, MAYBE SOMETIME I REACH MY LUCKY STAR WHICH CAN BRING ME BETTER LIFE AND SELF-CONFIDENCE. FOR NOW…..I AM NO ONE AND I MUST NOT COMPLAIN.

FUCK IT….

NICE THOUGHTS FOR THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR….AGAIN, FUCK IT BUT I AM SO FUCKED I CANNOT DESCRIBE IT. MANCA NOTICES SMTH BUT HE STILL DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MY HEAD. I PROMISED, I WON’T BOTHER HIM ABOUT ME. THIS IS NOT TOO PERSONAL FEELING BUT HE REALLY DOES NOT HAVE TO LISTEN ALL THIS BULLSHIT FROM ME.

OHH….I GO TO CRY