My First Web Log - BlueStar Hottie

I walked trough dark road home. It was cold outside and I was sad. My heart was broken, I was desperate so outside temperature just made thing look worse. I felt total crush of my body, mind, feelings. Totally confused, helpless. Feelings were mixed. One true, pure love became anger, pain, confusion.

I entered the house and sat on a chair. Sister and father watched me. I was smiling but my mouth, face, eyes were hiding pain. I was so euphoric. It could be seen a spark of insanity in my eyes. While I was going to my room my face got freaky grimace. I looked innocent, calmed, like anyone who is happy….but Was I happy? I was sitting in peace with God, breeding hard stuffy air. And again on my face there was a poor smilie. How stinky this world is - I thought. I got up, put my hands on my face and looked in white ceiling with kind of expectation. My headache became stronger and I felt dizziness. My legs couldn’t stay straight. I was swaying, shaking and I had to lean on the wall. Overcame, helpless in the magic of sadness I slipped.

My fear became bigger and so the shaking. I didn’t know ow to express my helpless anger. The victim was only me as always.

Then, things were happening on the internet. Still I’m sad.

Hello Darkness, my old friend…I’ve come to talk with you again.

Yeah, some circumstances lead me to lonely, black and sad life again. And I don’t complain. I can’t stop doing some things which are bad for me. On Sunday I remembered some things and some I have missed it. Now I like my life with Manca. He did a great thing for me. He fave me a new life full with love and happiness, but smth will always stay in my heart and on mind. I really miss some friends and somehow I miss my life before I met Manca. Everything is planned now, there’s no unexpected things. I miss it. I like surprises and I don’t have them a lot these days. I need some adventure, some changes. I want my boyfriend back. My everyday life now is empty. I need him. I hate his college. I hate this country, this town. I want more…I deserve more.

I decided to go behind black walls and I won’t let anyone  upset me there….

Stupid…

Escape from frozen winters trough gateway of wild dreams.

If somebody hates you, remember that Jesus was hated before you. Why people hate each other? There are many answers: glory, greedy, gaga (LOL) words with G, G-spot stimulating…….Ok, THAT’S ENOUGH.

People are jealous and they aren’t conscious of treasures of their hearts. All of us have potential to become somebody, smth we want. We don’t have to look for idols, to serve them. I thought I was stupid lil girl who can’t be the girl herself. I depend on my parents, friends or better to say people around me, sick society. As I was growing up my thoughts developed too. I noticed, and people persuaded me, I am a good person, good, trusty, devoted girlfriend and daughter, attractive wild girlie when I want so, soft, shy, weepy and childish when I feel so and thats make me special person. person unique on this world like everyone of us are. I just follow my heart and intelligence and I can make everything I want. While you reading this, you my reader(s), you might think wow she is perfect. no one is. And that is a relative question. What is perfet? Do all of us consider the same way word perfect?

There are many problems I have to face with. My incompatible series of nature. I do have ideas, have potentials, but I can’t success. And that doesn’t mean I am looking for sponsor

I always suffer. Sometimes that suffer is so strong that it takes me to depression and loosing religion, self-confidence. That depression takes people to greedy and make them to hate each other. I hated my sister, my parents, my friends, even boyfriend. It happens. I hate this society. Now I realize that hate takes me nowhere. I must believe in myself,. I must have people around me, share love and make them love me. people love conscious, helpful people. But why are they pretending? to serve to the rest of those who are mad, who are not available to see the bright side of life. they become idols for those who are around them. We must find out what is on the bottom of souls and decide what kind of creature we are gonna be. The choice is always on us, we just need to follow hearts, pure love and forget about revenge and sickness which poison our soul and mind.

we are good people, I believe in that. God created us to love him and to love us.

PS I opened the window of the toilet and the door started screeching. because of the wind..uuuf I am scared Ghosts are in my house.

We do not have to worry about death. We don’t die! We just go to eternal life in union with God.

Wow, there is so many things I wanted to say. I feel like I don’t have time, my watch is beating I will let this ideas to flourish in some other posts.

I don’t know what made me to write all this but I think that is redemption for my condition last night

In this world I am individua. And maybe this is thoughts of a person soft at the edges but I am harty, sincere. Like I said we must acquaint our personalities.

Hmmm….at my very beginning of writing this blog I said I will write about everything and sex. Now I saw I had nothing about it and one phone call make me write this. So, let’s solve the problem about orgasm, but the way girls have it. Girls don’t like talking about this, or we need to have a really good friend to share secrets of our sexual life. It is sometimes very hard to express ourselves even with our partners. But just because we are shy to talk about what makes us horny we are disappointed and don’t enjoy in sex. Sex is very important thing in our lives, and when we have a good sex we have good everyday life. If we can’t say what makes our pleasure, and why don’t we tell it, our life passes without satisfactions. So, let’s be clear with women’s sexuality.

Girls feel orgasm in very different way

Everything would me much easier if we had a perfect lover to know what excites us. Boys can’t now everything. Even when we have permanent partner he can’t know what will take us to orgasm. We must practice and learn how to recognize signs of satisfaction. I rarely feel orgasm. And why is so speaks the fact that it is harder to seduce girl than a boy because girls need different ways of stimulations in different moments. Sometime I need stronger pressure, sometime I need to be touched everywhere. But how partner should know it if I don’t tell him or make him does me things I like. One day something can be like a magic which takes me to land of satisfaction and the other day it can be awful.

I realize I must talk and demonstrate what provokes my sexuality.

Friend which phoned me asked me how much time I need to cum. I said nothing. After that I asked her how we could cum every time we have sex. She really has a technique. She isn’t shy while she makes love and then she is ready to do the the sexiest and dirtiest things. She said she showed her boyfriend how she cum. She takes his hand and together work on seducing klit. Sometimes, she does it herself and let him finish….um sounds interesting. We both agreed that it is the best way to cum when we touch ourselves. And what is happening when we cum and our klit is too stimulated that starts hurting when we want more. Conclusion is to take rest and after that continue when we had stopped.

Everything is in our head

I think and I am always telling my boyfriend the key to good sex is trust and confidence. He often tells me I will need a change or smth. No, orgasm works only if we have good emotional relationship. What make us horny again? The way we look at each other, stories about previous sex fantasies, suggestive massage…Without emotional and soul relationship it is almost impossible to have quality sex with a good orgasm.

Something which breaks my pleasure is thoughts. I am ready to go as far as he needs and I am ready to do my best to make the amazing feeling but then I start thinking about he enjoys in dirty things, he doesn’t respect me enough, he look at me like at a whore and etc and I say goodbye orgasm and enjoyment and let him does on his. Many times I saw sex isn’t the only thing which makes him happy. Maybe I should remember that every time we make love and let my body to communicate with his.

The other problem: Is his cum enough to I conclude sex was good? As I said we must let our body to communicate and to work on our both sensation and orgasm.

Several things come to mind when the word fantasy is uttered… Men and women typically harbor different desires, although some overlap is to be expected.

Fantasy can include many things. “Something that I desire but probably won’t ever experience”, is how one of my close friends described what it means to her. Several of the other friends I have spoken to feel the same way. “Even if you had the opportunity to obtain it”, another friend said, “you probably wouldn’t want it for very long, it could get annoying to have everything be perfect all the time.”

Besides, what makes the best times so great is partly because they stand out from day-to-day routine. Another friend divulged, “When I think fantasy, I think me on the beach with a good book and lots of sun and maybe a guy rubbing some suntan lotion on me while I sip a strawberry daiquiri.” One of the best parts about your fantasies is that they can be anything you want them to be. As my friend continued to add more elements to her reverie, the fantasy got better and even more desirable. And though fantasies are limited by the bounds of ones imagination, they can still erupt into reality. With some phone calls and careful planning, next months paycheck could easily become this tropical paradise!

In addition to providing peace of mind and escape from the real world, fantasizing may also serve as a vehicle to a more satisfying sex life. Fantasies put people in touch with their sexuality, while also allowing them to become more comfortable with themselves and within their relationships.

Women tend to be very sensual and romantic, relying on soft lighting, scented candles and slow music to set the mood. When most women fantasize about making love, it is often with a focus on their current partner (though sometimes someone unattainable, famous, etc. may creep into the mind’s eye.) Location and setting play important roles as well, and the emotional connection is critical in most cases.

For some women, the ultimate fantasy is just spending time with the one they love. According to one woman, “There are the occasional naughty fantasies, but I think more than anything, I think about being curled up in his arms.”

With men, the fantasies turn in quite a different direction. The most common response to the fantasy question should not surprise you. Girl plus girl, and threesomes topped the charts. My very own cousin had no qualms in admitting that to me, and additionally, enough can’t be said for the aggressive female. There’s something about a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it.

You’ve seen the movies where busloads of cheerleaders or half-naked babes arrive at the feet of two lone dudes, or many similar instances. There is no getting around it, guys love wome nand sex. And although many fantasies likely do involve the untouchables of society those that we desire but cannot have one male friend notes that he bets most people’s fantasies involve everyday people we see.

Not only does the imagined person play a crucial role in the fantasy, but the setting itself is also a critical component. The beach seems to shine as the most desired amorous hot spot with the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, a gentle breeze, and the sand beneath you is just brimming with romance!

So where does fantasy end and reality begin in the realm of sexual fantasy? It al depends on the details of your prospective plan and your partners preferences. More times than not, in the hopes of strengthening the bond with their love or just having a little fun, people are generally somewhat willing to play a bit outside the lines of a cookie cutter relationship.

Not all fantasies are sexually driven; several friends have informed me that theirs center around the dream life, a good marriage, a nice home, car, vacation, the entire package. “It is a fantasy because it is perfect, and life isn’t”, said one of my friends. And although life may not be perfect, sometimes happiness within our own corner of the world gives that illusion.

Whatever your fantasy may be, treasure it, enjoy it and perhaps share it, if you find yourself with that incredible person.

Shame on me! It has passed almost two months and I wrote nothing about new year celebration, my winter break, second term…So, let’s correct my mistake.

For New Year I was at Manca’s place and it passed…hm….strange and interesting. I haven’t ever thought it can be interesting if we are alone at home, in dark room, totally free, naked and horny…I am kidding…:)) We was watching a serial of films The Police Academy. It is nice we chose a comedy and new year started with smiles on our faces. I believe that 2007 will pass in happiness and laughing. I didn’t like just one thing : coming his parents at about 5 I think. They were tired and trying to get rest in other room and I stayed there and…I dunno but like I said, I didn’t like it. All the time since they came I tried to be quite and that wasn’t funny cos I am very talkative and loud person. We couldn’t do anything else but watch another film before I went home.

The second night passed similar but nice. We were talking, kissing, getting closer…It is nice when couples share emotions, opinions, experiences and just enjoy themselves. We did it. We are one being with two bodies. 2007 will be our triumph. We planned a lot of things and I’ll be very happy if we realize just a part of it. This year started very good and I won’t allow anyone to ruin my dreams and life with my Love.

Ok….this is it….

In the second part of my story I will write about winter break, some decisions of mine and etc. Anyway you’ll read it. Stay tuned.

And yes…If Manca or anyone who read these  my shitties find some grammar error I’ll kill him. I wrote it cos I had inspiration, and I don’t feel like reading and think about grammar (I know I should) but when I finish all I will correct myself.